I Love You
by PeppermintCupcakeFanfictions
Summary: Yoshiki has died and Ayumi is losing it. The only way out is the knife... -Rated T for suicide, self-harm ect- One-Shot Sorry for suckish summary


**I decided to make a sad story up.. What did I do..? Another thing, if you have a soft heart, you may want to grab some tissues before reading this.  
-EXCUSE SPELLING MISTAKES, I DID CHECK IT OVER BUT I'M BAD AT SPOTTING ERRORS, OK-**

Your always seeing and reading tragic stories and watching them on the news, aren't you? Killed by cancer, suicide, abuse ect. But none of them even compare to what he's been through. Nothing ever will. I watched him suffer, for the last two months of his life. I remembered in the past, I was an ungrateful bitch towards him, and yet, he still loved me. It should have been me. This doesn't feel real. But, I know, he's not coming back.

I've kept photo's and videos of you, I'm never going to forget you. I remember, when I said that I loved you, you just bent down and kissed me softly, before replying with _'I love you too, Shinozaki'_ I miss when I had to stand on my tip-toes, just to kiss you. I just wish I'd have realized it sooner, that you, Kishinuma Yoshiki, were the one I wanted to spend forever and a day with.

I try to focus on the happy times I've had with you, like, when you proposed to me 10 years ago, finding out I was pregnant with our first child, Haru, our first ultrasound. He was a lot like you. Was. He committed suicide, last night, he my last reason to live. _A 9 year old. Committing suicide._ I should've known, I should've known the cuts on his arms were not from football training, but ones from your old razor, or, kitchen knifes, anything sharp.

Your face haunts every dream I dream. Sometimes, I even trick myself into thinking that, your still alive, only, as soon as I wake up, and reach out for you, there are no strong arms around me, staring at me with that lop-sided smirk. Just me. In an empty bed. Alone.

I've hated life since you died, the Mochida's invite me over to theirs, try and get me to babysit to get my mind off of you. It never works, your always in the back of my mind. I'm always reliving the saddest moments of both of our lives.

The day you told me your head hurt, the continuous appointments and the doctors, one after another, sometimes, three times a week. More even. But, they are nothing, nothing compared to seeing you, all helpless, tubes strapped up to you. But most of all.. The day you closed your eyes forever. I lied to you. Within your final moments. I said I'd be alright. I promised you, I'd be alright. I lied. I fucking lied to you. And its the biggest mistake I've ever made.

The pain is everywhere, Yoshiki, my days only consist of me, curled up, crying, this isn't normal. I never eat, I hardly sleep, when I do, your always, there. Either reliving Heavenly Host Elementary, or, the happier times, but, we can't make more happy times now, well, not yet. Soon. Very soon.

Yoshiki. I can't handle this anymore. I've got nothing without you and Haru. Nothing. I walked in to the kitchen. The day that you died. Was the day I stopped eating, and started bleeding. Pain was my only escape from reality. And today was the day, I was going to end my suffering and be with you again. I can't wait to see you. Your brilliant blue eyes. Your beautiful blonde hair. Feel your lips..

I reached in to the kitchen drawer, pulled out the biggest knife I, no, we, owned. And cut both my wrists. Nothing happened. I cut them again. And again, and again. I was starting to feel faint from blood loss, that's when, Satoshi and Naomi came rushing in. 'oh right, I forgot they were coming over tonight' I didn't care. Not anymore. They ran to my side, I remember feeling Satoshi lift me up. Naomi screaming my name, telling me everything was going to be okay. They didn't understand what I was going through. I wanted this, I wanted to end my life. Because doing that, would bring me to you. I love you Yoshiki. And with that, I closed my eyes, never to open them again.

_I'm here, Yoshiki, we can't ever be separated again.  
_

**I'm so sad, oh my god. Anyways I hope you enjoy my failed one-shot XD It took me ages but it's still pretty bad, I know. Sorry :3**

**Reviews and favorites would make my day!**


End file.
